


VEGETA’S CALIFORNIA VACATION!

by TheFlamingomancer



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Funny, Mind Screw, The only reason it's mature is because of the language, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2019-10-30 21:30:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17836505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFlamingomancer/pseuds/TheFlamingomancer
Summary: INSPIRED BY MYHEARTFEELSDEADINSIDEBulma and Vegeta are determined to understand why his son was born without a tail despite being 1/2 Saiyan, just like Gohan; but a surprise visit from an old friend leads to wacky family hijinks in California, where the answer to Trunks' dilemma may lie.





	1. CHAPTER 1

**Author's Note:**

> AN: THE MEAT OF A MEATBALL, THE MEAT OF A MEATBALL, THE MEAT OF A MEATBALL!

Vegeta, Bulma, and Trunks were all at the gym where they were working out to get ready for the next tournament. Then there was a loud rumbling that was coming the fuck out of nowhere and it came with a fucking glowing figure.

“HOLY FUCK! WHAT’S THAT IN THE FUCKING SKY?!” howled Trunks with his nose shooting fire!

The glowing figure landed two fucking feet near where Vegeta was standing, it was fucking Nappa, except he had a robot arm, jet-legs, and a part of a robot scalp.

“HEY VEGETA! I’M BACK AND I’M A CYBORG NOW! I LIKE PANDAS!!!” screamed Cyber-Nappa.

“I’m not particularly fond of pandas, they are one of the least respectable creatures under the Class Mammalia. They lack the fighting prowess of a grizzly bear, and are terrible impersonators of gorillas.” spoke Vegeta in an intellectual tone.

“IT’S FUCKING GREAT TO BE BACK WITH YOU VEGETA!!!” hollered Cyber-Nappa as one of his screws flew into Vegeta’s eyeball.

“Absolutely delightful to have you back, Cyber-Nappa. You are a wonderful friend.” contemplated Vegeta.

“WAIT! HOLY FUCK! I’VE JUST FUCKING REALIZED SOMETHING!!!” howled Bulma while her teeth fired out of her mouth.

“Whatever could it be my love?” asked Vegeta.

“WHY DOESN’T TRUNKS HAVE A FUCKING TAIL, YET GOHAN DID?! AREN’T THEY BOTH 2ND FUCKING GENERATION SAIYANS?!” exploded Bulma.

“… that is an excellent question.” spoke Vegeta softly.

Everyone was contemplating on Trunks’ lack of a fucking tail, which was a load of fucking inconsistent bullshit, then Cyber-Nappa had a great idea!

“I KNOW WHAT WILL HELP!!! TRUNKS NEEDS THE CALIFORNIA BEACH DIET!!! IT HAS FUCKING AVOCADO AND TURKEY!” shouted Cyber-Nappa.

“HOLY SHIT! NAP-I MEAN CYBER-FUCKING-NAPPA! YOU’RE A FUCKING GENIUS! YOU GAVE ME A GREAT FUCKING IDEA! LET’S ALL GO THE FUCK TO CALIFORNIA FOR A FUCKING VACATION!!!” hollered Bulma to the point where Mt. Fuji erupted in terror of her shouting.

“This is a brilliant idea. A vacation in California is just what we need.” said Vegeta.

“HELL FUCKING YEAH! WE ARE GOING TO CALIFORNIA!” hollered Trunks while he turned into an elephant.

“DISNEYLAND!” shouted Trunks the elephant while Godzilla nearby pissed himself.

“THE SECOND COMING OF MICKEY MOUSE!” screamed Bulma.

“SAN DIEGO ZOO!” shouted Trunks

“PANDAS!!!” screeched Cyber-Nappa.

“PEDRO’S TACOS!” danced Trunks, now a turkey. 

“THE CALIFORNIA BEACH DIET!!!” mooed Cyber-Nappa, now a moose.

“SEAWORLD!!!” continued Cyber-Nappa.

“NO!” cheerfully shouted Bulma and Trunks while they kicked him back to a regular Cyber-Nappa.

“Yes, no SeaWorld. They are cruel to marine mammals that are rather intellectual.” muttered Vegeta.

Then Vegeta, Bulma, Trunks, and Cyber-Nappa all packed their bags and were ready to go to California. But then Goku and Piccolo intervened.

“VEGETA, YOU CAN’T FUCKING GO TO CALIFORNIA!” whined Goku as he turned into a crying fat pirate.

“Why is that, my fellow chum?” asked Vegeta.

“BECAUSE YOU FORGOT YOUR HERSHEY’S CHOCOLATE BAR!!! IT’LL PROTECT YOU AGAINST NESTLE WORKERS!!!” belched Goku.

“Thank you, I nearly forgot this little trinket can scare away those dastardly villains.” said Vegeta.

“GOOD FUCKING LUCK! YOU’LL NEED IT TO STOP THEM AND THEIR FREAKING HALLOWEEN CANDY!” roared Piccolo as he flew the fuck off.

“Isn’t it absolutely peculiar that Piccolo was cussing in the first sentence, yet he didn’t in the second?” asked an intellectual Vegeta.

Then Trunks punched Goku into Rodan’s nostril, causing them to crash into Yamcha’s house nearby. Then Vegeta and his family headed the fuck off to California for some R & R.


	2. CHAPTER 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I BET YOU ALL FORGOT ABOUT THIS FIC! JOKE’S ON YOU! I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO DID!

Vegeta and his family flew to California by riding on Cyber-Nappa’s back.

“HOLY SHIT! THAT WAS FUCKING EXHILARATING!” howled Cyber-Nappa.

“I concur with my best friend. It was rather exciting that we managed to fly across the entire Pacific Ocean on your back and make it into California at the perfect time and day in the early afternoon.” said Vegeta.

“YEAH! LET’S START THIS VACATION OFF WITH SOME CALIFORNIA BEACH DIET FOR LUNCH!” bellowed Bulma as her hair burned off of her head.

“ALRIGHT!!!” everyone, except Vegeta, screamed as they high-fived and caused a massive explosion in the middle of nowhere for no fucking reason.

Vegeta and the gang all went to Pedro’s Tacos to get some lunch. They all got fish tacos and steak burritos with guacamole. They were fucking delicious!

“WOW! THESE ARE REALLY FUCKING GOOD! SO MUCH BETTER THAN ANY OTHER FOOD IN THE US!” shrieked Trunks as he flew around while eating a kickass steak burrito.

“YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” hooted Buma, now a gigantic owl.

“STOP BEING A FUCKING OWL OR I WILL SUE YOUR TURQUOISE-HAIRED ASS!!!” roared Hedwig, who only appeared briefly to make Bulma turn back into a human.

“FINE!!! NO OWLS THEN!!!” screamed Bulma.

“There is no need to be upset, dearie. We may not have owls, but we will see pandas at the San Diego Zoo.” said Vegeta softly.

“YEAH! LET’S GO SEE SOME FUCKING PANDAS!!!” screeched Cyber-Nappa.

Then they all exploded and suddenly regenerated in San Diego. They got into the San Diego Zoo for free because Vegeta and Bulma were that fucking legit and the vendor shipped them so hard that the vendor’s eyeballs turned into hearts and spewed blood on the floor because the eye-hearts didn’t have other major arteries or veins to connect to. Trunks just stared in silence until the vendor turned into a foghorn and honked at them to go inside. There, they saw polar bears, tigers, pythons, elephants, and then the pandas.

“HOLY SHIT! YOU ARE A PANDA!!!” screamed Cyber-Nappa at the panda while it ate some bamboo and whatever the fuck else pandas can eat.

“YOU ARE A PANDA! YOU ARE A COOL PANDA! I LOVE PANDAS!!!” slowly hollered Cyber-Nappa some more. 

Meanwhile everyone, minus Vegeta and company, stared at Cyber-Nappa awkwardly; heck, even the panda was staring at Cyber-Nappa awkwardly.

“Thank you?” muttered the panda.

“YOU’RE FUCKING WELCOME!!!” screeched Cyber-Nappa with a big grin on his face.

“HOLY SHIT! YOU’RE A FUCKING TALKING PANDA!!!” squealed Trunks as his nose inflated into a blimp.

Everyone started to walk away from Vegeta and company, but then they all turned into moldy diarrhea and died for trying to escape from Vegeta. Thankfully, the panda was alright.

“If I grant you a wish, will you fucking go away?” said the panda.

“YAY!!!” cheered Bulma.

“We all would wish for a way to get to Disneyland without any trouble.” said Vegeta like a meek little lamb.

“Sure, WHY THE FUCK NOT?!” roared the panda as it farted magic clouds that teleported them the fuck to Disneyland. They were all excited to go on the rides at Disneyland.

“YAY!!! LET’S GO TO SPLASH MOUNTAIN!!!” burped Trunks and Cyber-Nappa.

Then they all headed over to Splash Mountain for a fun time… except, there was no splash! People on the ride were only sliding down into dry slides that caused all of the rides to explode!

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WHO COULD’VE DONE THIS?!” screamed Bulma as fire spewed from her mouth

“I don’t know who, but we will find out…” whispered Vegeta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TO BE CONTINUED WITH JUST ONE MORE, YES, ONE MORE. PREPARE YOUR EYE-SEEING ORGANS FOR IT!!!


	3. CHAPTER 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I NEED BACON-WRAPPED ONION RINGS AND BACON-WRAPPED JALAPENO POPPERS!!! THEY’LL DISTRACT ME FROM THE PAIN!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGH!!!

Vegeta, Bulma, Trunks, and Cyber-Nappa were investigating on why the fuck Splash Mountain dried up and exploded. They looked into the water line connecting to Splash Mountain and found nothing but fucking sand and scorpions.

“FUCKING SCORPIONS!!!” screamed Trunks as he turned into a hula dancer for no reason at all.

“WHY WOULD THIS HAPPEN?!” honked Cyber-Nappa as he turned into clown car.

“Haven’t you heard?” asked a random hippy.

“WHAT?!” cried Cyber-Nappa as he cried tears of pepperoni.

“The California water supply is significantly depleted and Nestle is responsible for worsening it!” said the hippy.

“Nestle…” grumbled Vegeta as he held the Hershey’s Chocolate in his pocket.

“WHERE ARE THOSE NESTLE BASTURDS?!” belched Bulma, now a pirate grizzly bear.

“Shit, I dunno where they are… You gotta’ Google it sis!” said the hippy.

“BORK BORK BORK BORK!!!” shouted Trunks, who was no longer a hula dancer, but now a Swedish puppy.

“Stop it son… you are doin me a frighten…” whimpered Vegeta.

The hippy fucked off because he was weirded out by all the crazy Swedish clown dog car shit going on and fuck this petroleum jelly fuck fuck FUCK ARF!!!

Then everyone got on Cyber-Nappa’s back once more to figure out where the fuck the American Nestle headquarters were. With 5 minutes of flying like a fucking albatross hungry for bacon-wrapped jalapenos, they find the headquarters in Glendale, California. Vegeta breaks down the door, ready to confront the shit out of whoever is running the water-stealing evil that was Nestle!

“Hey! You can’t be here without ID!” barked the the security guard.

“No… you do not do me a frighten.” whispered Vegeta as he pulled out the Hershey’s Chocolate Bar in front of them.

The security guard hissed at the chocolate bar and then flew away from the gang. Everyone continued forward with Vegeta holding the Hershey’s bar out at all times to keep the Nestle staff away from them. As they passed through hoards of hissing and snarling Nestle staff, they made it to the room that belonged to none other than the fucking president of Nestle USA. 

After Cyber-Nappa busted the door down with one of his kickass poses, they saw who was running Nestle USA…

IT WAS FUCKING FRIEZA!!!

“Welcome Vegeta.. I was expecting you…” smirked Frieza as he got off his flying motorcycle smilodon chair.

“Frieza, you scumbag… how’d you even survive?” asked Vegeta in a slight whisper.

“It’s simple, bitch… I was able to be restored through a Satanic ritual….” said Frieza.

Everyone looked with horror until Frieza cracked up and started laughing.

“Holy FUCK!!! I can’t believe you actually fell for that!” shouted Frieza as he blew up a red supergiant because he fucking could.

“I was brought back through a ‘Bring back people from the mother-fucking grave’ machine’.” explained Frieza.

“As I was revived, I realized that my ways of conquering the fuck out of galaxies was not fucking working… Then I realized that Earth already had a perfect method of conquering things.. Corporate Takeover!” said Frieza as he snapped his fingers, causing all of Italy to become a pile of pennies.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” cried Cyber-Nappa as his hair exploded and became an afro for 10 seconds .

Frieza continued to speak, “Muhuhuh… And it doesn’t just stop with me owning Nestle USA and stealing California’s water,, but als-”

“HEY! FRUITCAKE! STOP WITH THE SATANISM, YOU COMMUNIST SCUM!!!” interrupted a conservative penguin.

“Fuck off…” said Frieza in a cold manner as he fired a laser that caused the fucking conservative penguin to explode.

“AS I WAS FUCKING SAYING BEFORE THAT HAPPENED!!! I INTEND TO ALSO BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!” screamed Frieza.

“AND NOW I SENTENCE YOU TO DIE BY THE WRATH OF MY ‘KILL THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR FUCKING SOUL’ BOMB !!!” roared Frieza as he prepared the “Kill the fuck out of your fucking soul” bomb.

“Wait a minute… before you carry out any death sentence, you must fulfill a last meal request…” muttered Vegeta.

“Oh ho? Fine! What the fuck is it?” asked Frieza.

“I want a fucking California club!” said Trunks.

“Fine… but only because the California Beach Diet is pure bullshit…” said Frieza as he gave him the sandwich.

As Trunks ate the sandwich, the powers of fucking turkey and avocado surged through him and gave him a purple tail! Then he turned into a giant purple baboon (IT’S A FUCKING BABOON NOT AN APE!!)! Then Trunks attacked Frieza, but Frieza was not surprised at all, and he caged Trunks instantly and was about to lower him into a pit made of the power of the “Kill the fuck out of your fucking soul” bomb.

“BUT HOW?!” cried Bulma and Cyber-Nappa.

“You said you didn’t believe in the California Beach Diet…” cried Vegeta as he threw the Hershey’s Bar as a last ditch effort to stop Frieza.

“I didn’t…” said Frieza as he simply ate the candy like it was no one’s fucking business. 

Then Frieza continued, “…but I was prepared in case I was wrong… Thank you Vegeta. Now I will crush your son and conquer the fuck out of planet Earth!” said Frieza as he dropped Trunks to his doom.

He managed to save Trunks… but that was the last straw for Vegeta…

“HOW FUCKING DARE YOU FUCKING NAZI, COMMUNIST, HORSE-LOVING, PIRATE-HATING, SHITTING, PISSING, PUKING WEEABOO SHIT, DONALD TRUMP FUCKER!!!” roared Vegeta as he beat the ever-loving fuck out of Frieza. 

Then Bulma did 500 spin-kicks on Frieza and Cyber-Nappa kicked Frieza in the knees. After that blow, Frieza fell into the pit, that exploded and sent everyone flying out into Orange County. But even that was not enough to stop Frieza.

“Bitch, please! I was fully prepared for that one.” laughed Frieza.

Then Vegeta went right for Frieza and it turned into a clusterfuck of fighting and cursing. 

“FUCK YOUR NESTLE, FUCK YOU FOR RUINING FUCKING DISNEYLAND, FUCK YOUR CORPORATE TAKEOVER BULLSHIT, AND FUCK YOU!!!” screamed Vegeta as he landed the final blow on Frieza.

Frieza was finally defeated and fucking dead. All of California cheered as the rains poured down and Vegeta flew up to a cliff and looked at Cyber-Nappa.

“It is fucking time…” said Cyber-Nappa.

Then Vegeta shouted, “IT’S OVER 9000!!!” and everyone joined in as well.

Everyone continued to enjoy their California Vacation, Vegeta was well-rested for home, and Trunks was trained to use his tail for good like fighting evil, saving sunken ships, and sending creepy weeaboo furries to jail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT’S THE END PEOPLE, GO HOME AND COOK ME SOME BACON-WRAPPED JALAPENO POPPERS PLEASE!!!


End file.
